(Poll) Chuck Norris vs. Jack Bauer
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Who would win in a Fight? Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris
(Poll) Chuck Norris vs. Jack Bauer
Guest Tue May 04, 2010 1:13 pm
It's quite clear that both Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris are forces that can't be stopped. That is, however, unless the awesome forces of fate somehow caused the two to meet in some sort of battle for ultimate supremacy. Of course, such a battle would have to be the result of diabolical forces manipulating the truth in an effort to rid the world of both Jack and Chuck.
In order for said battle to take place, the aforementioned diabolical forces would have to manipulate a situation in which both Jack and Chuck are under the impression they are working with pure intentions, when in fact they have been manipulated to destroy each other.
With much thought and careful consideration, we here at Jack VS Chuck have painstakingly assembled the following scenario for how such an epic battle would unfold.
Chuck Norris: by Ted Sherman
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Chuck Norris, of course, when he was in his prime could have quickly destroyed Kiefer Sutherland (Jack Bauer is a fictional character). However, Chuck is now 67 years old, and although he looks like he's in fantastic shape, it isn't likely he could take on the 41-year-old actor.
Chuck earned a black belt in Korean fighting styles, Tang Soo Do and Tae Kwan Do. Since 1969, he has won numerous world titles in the martial arts. Kiefer is no couch potato. He is an excellent equestrian, raises horses on his ranch and has competed in many rodeos.
Jack Bauer does fantastic feats of strength in his secret agent job in the pop TV hit, "24", and does all kinds of violent things to bad guys, including mayhem, execution and torture. However, the scripts all indicate that he is too noble a character to harm a senior citizen like Chuck. Unless, of course, Walker Texas Ranger would have the nerve to fight dirty.
The entire premise of this debate is moot until, or if, some computer nerd puts replicas of the two characters together in their prime and works out a series of hypothetical fights on TV. It recalls a similar TV bout conjured up about 30 years ago, when the real, live Rocky Marciano and Muhammad Ali volunteered to do a staged series of rounds. There were several arranged endings, and fans were asked to vote on their choice. I believe they voted for Rocky, although in real life and in their prime, it was likely Ali would have won.
Jack Bauer: by John Devera
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I have the utmost respect for Chuck Norris. His skill as a martial artist is undeniably real. And he's even a likable person and a decent actor. For all these reasons, I think Chuck Norris is an American icon and valuable treasure. I resent all the Chuck Norris jokes, but I admire the man for taking it all in stride and even laughing along (have you seen that commercial where he beats up on the two utubers?). But in a fight between the real Chuck Norris and the fictional Jack Bauer, Jack would win.
1) Jack is amoral and vicious; Chuck fights fair and has mercy. Jack will do what it takes to win, no matter who gets hurt and who has to pay the consequences. That's who he is. Think about it. How many people has he had to sacrifice for the greater good? If Jack Bauer felt he had to "take out" Chuck Norris to protect the United States, he would do it in whatever way possible, and he would do it without blinking an eye. Jack Bauer doesn't believe in fair fights. If your enemy has a knife, shoot him. If your enemy has an assault rifle, bring in a flamethrower. If your enemy comes in a tank, then take him out with a tactical nuke.
On the other hand, Chuck is always about teaching a lesson. He'll beat you senseless and then help you start up a soup kitchen. He wants to defeat you, and he will do everything in his power, except cheat. You see, Chuck Norris is a better man than Jack Bauer. He's merciful, not ruthless. He's a compassionate conservative. He's a nice Christian man. Jack's a bastard.
2) Chuck Norris has lightning kicks and powerful punches; Jack will shoot you, torture you, then shoot you again. No martial artist, even the great Bruce Lee can stand up against a ruthless assassin, and Jack Bauer qualifies. Jack can use a sniper rifle. Jack can garrote you in your sleep. Jack can poison your Tang. Now if Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer were locked in a room in their underwear with the desire to knock each other senseless, Jack Bauer would have to kiss his pretty kiester goodbye. But that's not the topic, is it? We're not talking about a cage fight, or UFC.
3) Chuck Norris is real; Jack Bauer is fictional. Chuck Norris will always be a real man. He will age (very slowly), his skills will diminish (someday), and he is even vulnerable to illness (I wouldn't want to see the flu bug that could take on Chuck Norris). But Jack Bauer is fictional. That means, if he's running away, an unlocked door will always be available for him to slip through at the last moment. The good guys will find him before the fire burns through the rope holding him over a pit of voracious crocodiles. Even when he is in a chain gang in a Chinese prison, he will be rescued, because the story demands it. So, he'll miraculously find a gun, a stick of dynamite or even a yo-yo that he can McGyver into a deadly weapon. Because he's Jack, that's why.
4) Kieffer Sutherland is a better actor that Chuck Norris. This hardly has anything to do with whether Jack Bauer could defeat Chuck Norris in a fight, but follow me on this one. Chuck Norris is a bona fide karate champion. He's actually kicked butt in real competitions. Kieffer would probably get beat up pretty badly by a seriously pissed of girl scout troop. But, in the case of acting ability, Chuck Norris is a great martial artist. In other words, he can't act nearly as well as he can land a punch. Remember when we first saw him fight against Bruce Lee in the Colosseum? He was really good. But the director's were smart enough not to give him too many speaking lines.
Kieffer may live in the shadow of his father's remarkable talent, but he's still a fine actor. And that makes him a real threat in any fight between Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. Who's gonna get the best lines? Who is going to do the most emoting? When Chuck Norris lies at his feet with a neat little bullet hole in the middle of his forehead, Kieffer can grimmace, turn away in grief and say something pithy. He can even shed a lone tear that can course down his dust-grimed face. And that's an acting moment. If Chuck won, he'd face the camera and give a stirring moral lecture on the consequences of going outside the law. Which would you prefer? If you're reading an article about who would win in a fight, I'm willing to bet it's the former.
In order for said battle to take place, the aforementioned diabolical forces would have to manipulate a situation in which both Jack and Chuck are under the impression they are working with pure intentions, when in fact they have been manipulated to destroy each other.
With much thought and careful consideration, we here at Jack VS Chuck have painstakingly assembled the following scenario for how such an epic battle would unfold.
Chuck Norris: by Ted Sherman
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Chuck Norris, of course, when he was in his prime could have quickly destroyed Kiefer Sutherland (Jack Bauer is a fictional character). However, Chuck is now 67 years old, and although he looks like he's in fantastic shape, it isn't likely he could take on the 41-year-old actor.
Chuck earned a black belt in Korean fighting styles, Tang Soo Do and Tae Kwan Do. Since 1969, he has won numerous world titles in the martial arts. Kiefer is no couch potato. He is an excellent equestrian, raises horses on his ranch and has competed in many rodeos.
Jack Bauer does fantastic feats of strength in his secret agent job in the pop TV hit, "24", and does all kinds of violent things to bad guys, including mayhem, execution and torture. However, the scripts all indicate that he is too noble a character to harm a senior citizen like Chuck. Unless, of course, Walker Texas Ranger would have the nerve to fight dirty.
The entire premise of this debate is moot until, or if, some computer nerd puts replicas of the two characters together in their prime and works out a series of hypothetical fights on TV. It recalls a similar TV bout conjured up about 30 years ago, when the real, live Rocky Marciano and Muhammad Ali volunteered to do a staged series of rounds. There were several arranged endings, and fans were asked to vote on their choice. I believe they voted for Rocky, although in real life and in their prime, it was likely Ali would have won.
Jack Bauer: by John Devera
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
I have the utmost respect for Chuck Norris. His skill as a martial artist is undeniably real. And he's even a likable person and a decent actor. For all these reasons, I think Chuck Norris is an American icon and valuable treasure. I resent all the Chuck Norris jokes, but I admire the man for taking it all in stride and even laughing along (have you seen that commercial where he beats up on the two utubers?). But in a fight between the real Chuck Norris and the fictional Jack Bauer, Jack would win.
1) Jack is amoral and vicious; Chuck fights fair and has mercy. Jack will do what it takes to win, no matter who gets hurt and who has to pay the consequences. That's who he is. Think about it. How many people has he had to sacrifice for the greater good? If Jack Bauer felt he had to "take out" Chuck Norris to protect the United States, he would do it in whatever way possible, and he would do it without blinking an eye. Jack Bauer doesn't believe in fair fights. If your enemy has a knife, shoot him. If your enemy has an assault rifle, bring in a flamethrower. If your enemy comes in a tank, then take him out with a tactical nuke.
On the other hand, Chuck is always about teaching a lesson. He'll beat you senseless and then help you start up a soup kitchen. He wants to defeat you, and he will do everything in his power, except cheat. You see, Chuck Norris is a better man than Jack Bauer. He's merciful, not ruthless. He's a compassionate conservative. He's a nice Christian man. Jack's a bastard.
2) Chuck Norris has lightning kicks and powerful punches; Jack will shoot you, torture you, then shoot you again. No martial artist, even the great Bruce Lee can stand up against a ruthless assassin, and Jack Bauer qualifies. Jack can use a sniper rifle. Jack can garrote you in your sleep. Jack can poison your Tang. Now if Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer were locked in a room in their underwear with the desire to knock each other senseless, Jack Bauer would have to kiss his pretty kiester goodbye. But that's not the topic, is it? We're not talking about a cage fight, or UFC.
3) Chuck Norris is real; Jack Bauer is fictional. Chuck Norris will always be a real man. He will age (very slowly), his skills will diminish (someday), and he is even vulnerable to illness (I wouldn't want to see the flu bug that could take on Chuck Norris). But Jack Bauer is fictional. That means, if he's running away, an unlocked door will always be available for him to slip through at the last moment. The good guys will find him before the fire burns through the rope holding him over a pit of voracious crocodiles. Even when he is in a chain gang in a Chinese prison, he will be rescued, because the story demands it. So, he'll miraculously find a gun, a stick of dynamite or even a yo-yo that he can McGyver into a deadly weapon. Because he's Jack, that's why.
4) Kieffer Sutherland is a better actor that Chuck Norris. This hardly has anything to do with whether Jack Bauer could defeat Chuck Norris in a fight, but follow me on this one. Chuck Norris is a bona fide karate champion. He's actually kicked butt in real competitions. Kieffer would probably get beat up pretty badly by a seriously pissed of girl scout troop. But, in the case of acting ability, Chuck Norris is a great martial artist. In other words, he can't act nearly as well as he can land a punch. Remember when we first saw him fight against Bruce Lee in the Colosseum? He was really good. But the director's were smart enough not to give him too many speaking lines.
Kieffer may live in the shadow of his father's remarkable talent, but he's still a fine actor. And that makes him a real threat in any fight between Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. Who's gonna get the best lines? Who is going to do the most emoting? When Chuck Norris lies at his feet with a neat little bullet hole in the middle of his forehead, Kieffer can grimmace, turn away in grief and say something pithy. He can even shed a lone tear that can course down his dust-grimed face. And that's an acting moment. If Chuck won, he'd face the camera and give a stirring moral lecture on the consequences of going outside the law. Which would you prefer? If you're reading an article about who would win in a fight, I'm willing to bet it's the former.
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